Well, today is it. The day I leave a company I have worked for since 5th June 2006 – and I’m numb.
I’d like to say I feel happy: new adventures and all that. I don’t! I could make a fuss and say I’m heartbroken. Well maybe later but right now I’m not. I’m numb.
It feels like I’ve lost a friend. In reality I have ‘lost’ a few. With all good intentions the colleagues I have shared 10 square foot of office space with for many years will say hi if they see me and maybe curse me when they find the one mistake I made one week last year. They may even mention me when a question gets asked ..”Oh Suzan used to do that”. But alas, life moves at a tremendous pace for most of us and within 6 months my ‘friends’ won’t think of me, nor me them. I have flowers and cards and gifts and well wishes galore but in the end I will fade like the flowers will into an “I remember her” moment for some.
I’ve lost my comfort zone, my bubble, my security blanket, and that is unsettling.
For 8 years now I have spent 4 or 5 days a week most of the year getting up and going through the motions of washing, dressing, packing lunch and heading out of the door with the sole aim of going into the office, doing a job in which I earned great kudos. Staff of all levels appreciated my efforts, acknowledged my skills and became slightly more than colleagues. We shared a few tears, lots and lots of laughter, a few squabbles and fights, sadness, joy… you get the drift. We were a family, like any other, just larger than most. And at 5pm, or 6 or 7 some days I would tidy my desk and go home, thinking about the next days’ tasks. What now though? This is like enforced retirement. You’d think I’d be happy. Over 50 and a chance for paid time off work with good health… but I wonder. Will I enjoy it or will I miss the buzz of the deadlines to be met?
I’ve been expecting this to happen since December – the thriving small company that we were was attractive to bigger flies and when the MD got ill, the bigger flies took the chance to swallow us up lock, stock and barrel – except for a tiny minority… 5 of us. We were surplus to requirements – CENTRALISATION was the way to go with our departments. I’ve been happy about it, sad about it, excited about the future , dismayed at the thought of leaving. But now the day has come……..I’m just numb.